Grieving from a distance can be difficult. Perhaps a child loses their parent while away at college. They receive the shocking phone call and then have to drive 5 hours to be home with their family. And after the funeral and time spent with the family, the student eventually has to return back to school to finish the semester.
(Photo by Matthew Jacobson)
At this point the student is alone. They don't have easy access to family talks, visiting graves, looking through family scrapbooks, watching family home videos, etc. They are forced to obtain support and helpful resources in a distant location, such as the college campus.
(Photo by Laura Edwards)
I am very pleased to have noticed the helpful information and resources on grieving provided by many University websites. It is comforting to know that students who may be away from home at college and dealing with a loss of a loved one can find some help close by.
The Universities Student Counseling or Health Services websites provided options to meet with counselors, but also many self-help information and links.
I want to share some of the information I found from these sites about the process(es) and cycles of grieving.
Everyone goes through grief in a different way, but seem to reflect similar actions.
The University of Minnesota Duluth (UMD) explains that the grieving process requires a few important things. Some of these items are:
Time
(Photo by Matthew Jacobson)
Patience
(Photo by Matthew Jacobson)
Courage
(Photo by Matthew Jacobson)
Support
(Photo by Matthew Jacobson)
"The grieving person will likely experience many changes throughout the grieving process. The stages of grief are usually categorized as shock, suffering, and recovery" (UMD)
SHOCK
This is often the initial reaction to the loss of a loved one. A numbness may overcome the individual, which provides an emotional protection from the initial intensity of the loss. The University of Texas at Dallas (UTD) Student Counseling Center's website reads, "Denial and disbelief will diminish as the individual slowly acknowledges the impact of this loss and accompanying feelings."
SUFFERING
"Suffering is the long period of grief during which the person gradually comes to terms with the reality of the loss. The suffering process typically involves a wide range of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as an overall sense of life seeming chaotic and disorganized." (UMD)
Although UMD places the process of "suffering" into one broad category, the UTD website breaks it down more specifically: bargaining, depression, and anger.
BARGAINING
This is the process of rethinking the whole situation and figuring out how it could have been prevented or eliminating negative outcomes. This may lead to promising or bargaining with yourself or God to change the loss or consequences (UTD).
DEPRESSION
This usually kicks in after realizing the specifics of the loss. Dramatic changes in sleep patterns, appetite, and lack of energy are some of the initial signs of depression. "Feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, and self-pity can also surface during this phase, contributing to this reactive depression. For many, this phase must be experienced in order to begin reorganizing one’s life" (UTD).
ANGER
This usually follows the feelings of helplessness which may turn into feeling abandoned. This may create feelings of resentment towards oneself, God, or in life itself. "After an individual acknowledges anger, guilt may surface due to these negative feelings. Again, these feelings are natural and should be honored to resolve the grief" (UTD).
"Suffering is often the most painful and protracted stage for the griever, but it is still necessary" (UMD).
RECOVERY OR ACCEPTANCE
Recovery is the ultimate goal. It is important to remember that this stage is not the elimination of all the pain and the memories of experience of losing the loved one. As you recover, you are better able to accept the loss, resume a "normal" life, and to reinvest time, attention, energy and emotion into other parts of [your] life. The loss is still felt, but the loss has become part of the [your] more typical feelings and experiences" (UMD).
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